#at the moment it’s just Yellowjackets: the Lottie cut over and over again

[petalsfordany]

hyper fixating on an actress with still just a handful of credits and only a couple of those being a substantial role is a special type of hell

[denwritesandcries]

Call me Yours – N.S

Pairing: natalie scatorccio x fem!reader

Summary: You’re in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio. How ironic.

Word count: 2,3k.

Content: NSFW minors dni, no crash!AU, cursing, arguing, jealousy, makeout session, thigh riding, slightly toxic behavior?? but it wouldn't be a yellowjacket relationship if it weren't just a little.

Note: Is it a secret relationship?? Friends with benefits??? I don't know man but they’re horny.

English is not my first language.

You're in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio.

There is a party going on outside, students filling the rooms of Lottie's house with loud generic music playing in the background, but the small room you two were locked in remained silent, too silent.

“See ya’ in 7 minutes, ladies!” Van's mocking voice cuts through the air, but a knife could have done the same; the blonde snorts and you roll your eyes, fixing your gaze somewhere in the darkness so you don't have to face her.

“Ugh, how old does she think we are?” Natalie hisses, you can feel her eyes on your face, even though you can't see much more than the outline of her body at the moment.

You say nothing, arms crossed over your chest and a frown covering your face, Nat tries again:

“I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party.”

“I get it,” you bite, just because you know her well enough to guess that she won’t stop complaining until she gets something out of you, “I get that you don’t want to be here, Natalie.”

She must finally realize how mad you are – mad at her – at the sound of her full name instead of the nickname that always seemed to be on the tip of your tongue, because you swear you can hear her teeth chattering when she shuts her mouth.

With a growl of frustration, you let your head hit the wall with a thud. Great, your night was already being shit, the last thing you needed was to end up playing 7 minutes in heaven with the person who was the cause of your bad mood. Simply amazing.

You see, Natalie had been acting weird for days now, randomly avoiding your company and acting like she didn't know you in the school hallways and being really rude to you during practice. Now, this might even be normal and acceptable behavior from the quiet blonde if you were anyone else, but you weren't. You are her girlfriend.

Are? Were? You don't know for sure anymore given the way she's been acting lately.

Maybe it wouldn't have made you so angry – confused? Yes. Sad? Definitely, but not angry like that – if it weren't for today, for the party.

You had planned to meet Nat at Lottie's party and corner her to finally make her explain what the hell is wrong, dammit, because one afternoon you're smoking with your girlfriend and friends quietly in the basement and the next she's throwing you daggers with her glance every time you open your mouth around her. Anyway, that's what you were going to do, until you found her in the Matthews' giant kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of beer in her hand and Kevyn Tan practically throwing himself at her, keeping an arm full of spike bracelets wrapped around her shoulders and face with heavy makeup too close to hers to be considered friendly, drooling for Nat like he's always done since you've known about his existence.

Now that really pissed you off.

Who does that sad, emo, pitiful boy think he is to touch your girlfriend like that? And why is she letting him?

You think she could feel you fuming as you stared at them from the door, because the next second she lifted her head and looked at you like a deer caught in the headlights, as if she knew exactly that she was doing something she shouldn't have.

Screw it, you thought, if she'd rather act like you didn't matter anymore, then fine. You won't be standing just watching.

You turned around and only managed to disappear around the house for the next half hour before Taissa appeared with a tired frown and practically dragged you to where the group had gathered with an empty bottle, because Van and Jackie wanted to play something – 'If I'm in this, then you’re too!’ – and well, fuck.

You two have been completely quiet for almost a whole minute and that it's eating you alive; Nat has always handled silence well, you haven't.

Fidgeting with the hem of your own shirt angrily, you huff and give up on the tough act, the blonde straightens up when she hears your footsteps approaching her.

"What is happening?" Your voice comes out in a shamefully desperate tone, “Why are you acting like this with me? What did I do?"

You can see her now, being so close and now used to the dark; her fists are clenched, Natalie keeps her eyes fixed on your figure. For a moment, you think she's going to keep her cold facade and avoid your question with some sarcastic response, she most likely considered it, from the way her mouth opens and closes for a quick moment.

She turns her face to the side, trying to hide, but you can see the difference in tone in the paleness of her skin anyway. Oh, she's embarrassed.

“Nat?”

She mumbles something you don't understand, then your curiosity gives way to the anger and your hands find her face, turning it so Natalie is looking at you.

"What was this?" You ask again, softly this time.

“You called me your girlfriend.” She spits it out fast as if it were just a single sentence, rolling her eyes at your confused face, “You called me your girlfriend to everyone when we were smoking after practice last week.”

Oh, you remember that, when Jackie decided to lecture you all about the smell of smoke that lingered on her clothes after she and Shauna decided to tag along on one of your hangouts with Lottie, Van and Tai, turning up her nose and talking about how you all – and especially Nat – should stop with this habit. ‘Jackie, stop bothering my girlfriend!’, that’s what you said. Is that what made you spend a whole week grounded in the doghouse?

“...And isn’t that what we are?” You try, unsure. This conversation is not taking a very pleasant turn toward a reconciliation.

Nat bites hard her bottom lip, you can see her struggling with the next words:

“It’s just… no one was supposed to know.”

“Oh,” you mutter pathetically, sounding very much like a wounded puppy, “So that’s the problem.”

You're in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio. How ironic.

You can tell she regrets it the moment she says it, grabbing your hands in hers as you pull away.

“No, no, I’m sorry. I– I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you meant that then?” Your initial anger and frustration return with a vengeance, you move forward until Nat's back hits a shelf in the small room.

Natalie always does this. Avoid anything that labels your relationship as real; calling your dates ‘hangouts’, not touching you when there are people around, leaving your house before you wake up in the morning, avoiding kisses and caresses that don't initiate anything sexual, calling you ‘friend’ when you can see that the whole team knows this is not all you two are.

Still, – still – she always shows up at your house when she's upset; she doesn't like it when you miss your 'hangouts'; always stays close to you wherever you are together; gets mad when she sees you talking to other girls, even if they are nothing more than classmates; leaves marks all over your body, but doesn't let you do the same, spots and more spots all over your neck that are impossible to cover. People know that you're dating, they just don't know that you're dating Natalie.

And then she gets mad at you for finally putting a name to whatever this is and starts avoiding you completely, even though it's been months since it all started and you've known each other for years.

Nat gasps when your hands find her waist with a firm grip, bringing your lips closer to her ear:

“I’m gonna make you want me to be your girlfriend.”

You swear you feel the shiver that runs through her body. Nat smells like cigarettes and mint gum and it tastes the same when your mouth meets hers.

Her arms are around your neck before she's even processed what's happening, black painted nails playing with the hair on the back of your neck like it's second nature – and it is.

The way Natalie tilts her head to deepen the kiss and bites your lip hard when your hands come up to caress the skin under her shirt says your actions are much appreciated.

The husky, needy moan that escapes your throat when you realize she's braless, palming and massaging her soft skin brings a cocky smile to her face, she sighs, breaking the kiss and letting her head fall back against the shelf in satisfaction.

Nat doesn't moan, not like you do. She seems to want to hold back as much as possible, taking all kinds of reactions from you and your body, but not giving the pleasure of having the same from her. You want to change this.

You let your mouth roam from her strong jaw to her pale neck, leaving wet kisses, bites, and marks. Many marks. You bite the thin skin in different spots, soothing the bite with your tongue, hoping for the spots to form and stay there for days, for everyone to see.

You lazily slide a knee between her legs when you feel Natalie try to turn you around to take control. You usually let her do it, but not today. She squeals in surprise and pleasure, hips instantly grinding against you.

“Nah-ah, Nat,” you cut, bringing a hand down to slow the pace of her hips, “I guess you shouldn’t take anything today, or do you think I forgot about how much you paid attention to that little emo bastard earlier, huh?”

“You hate him that much, huh?” She tries to say in a mockery tone, wanting to turn the tables again, but it sounds pathetic as her voice breaks later in the last words.

“Yes,” you say easily, leaving a lingering kiss on her shoulder, finding her pulse point, “He was touching you. Touching my girlfriend.”

You bite down hard on the skin when Natalie turns her head to grant access and she moans, actually moans, fuck, you did it. A full sound, loud enough to make your pupils dilate until your irises almost disappear. This, this sound, you want to hear this forever.

It's been more than seven minutes, you think, or maybe our discussion was just really quick. You wonder if you would have time to take one of her breasts into your mouth, feeling the way she rolls her eyes and thrusts her hips against your thigh, now free from your hands, when you roll her nipples hard between your fingers.

She sighs as she receives another kiss from you, much softer now, more affectionate, feeling her hand tracing circles on your cheek.

A quick, loud knock on the door startles you both, making Nat jump and bang her head against one of the shelves behind her and knock something over, “Fuck!” She screams and you instinctively reach for her head to check for injuries.

You look at the source of the knock, it's definitely not Van calling, she would have opened the door at once just to laugh at your faces.

“Girls, time is over!” Jackie's voice sings on the other side.

“Ugh,” Natalie grunts, clearly frustrated at being interrupted so abruptly, she takes the opportunity to finally take a look at the closet as you head towards the door, “Is this some kind of pantry?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Rich people have so many random rooms scattered around their houses.”

There are loud whistles and jeers as you leave, half the football team gathered in the busy room and giving you knowing looks, you give Van the finger when she points out the traces of dark lipstick on your mouth.

“Were you guys actually going to fuck in there?” She teases, arching an eyebrow with a smirk.

You open your mouth to retort – probably with something stupid – but Natalie is quicker:

“Fuck off Van, stop bothering my girlfriend.”

Van gives up the provocation, raising her arms in surrender and Nat rolls her eyes as if she hadn't said anything important, but you're absolutely frozen, listening to your heart beating rapidly against your ears.

Natalie looks back when she notices you standing still and snorts in amusement at your reaction, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you with her.

“C’mon,” she says, “Let’s go, silly, I got something to do–”

“Move!” Jackie interrupts with an anxious tone, pushing you gently by the shoulder and bouncing on her heels, “It’s our turn.”

You catch a glimpse of Shauna standing shyly behind her like a shadow being dragged to the closet and Jeff sitting on the floor with the rest of his classmates with the most confused and defeated expression you've ever seen as Nat hurriedly guides you out.

When you're about to get into her car, Natalie surprises you, grabbing your waist with her cold hands and pressing you against the door, hungry eyes fixed on your form.

“I–” you stutter nervously, “I thought we were going home?”

Natalie nods.

“We are,” she agrees, “I just have to do you first.”

Well, maybe your night won't end as bad as you thought it would.

[happysparklingshadows]

A Certain Hunger (2/?)

Chapter 1 ✿ Chapter 3

Summary: Wilderness training and skills your father gave you come in handy as you wake up from the plane crash. Reflects and Habits come up to plant seeds for the months ahead in the wilderness. You figure out something about yourself you never knew you had or wanted to have: you have to be the leading voice in the chaos and have no idea what is happening. Good thing you have a few people to have your back. 

Pairing: Surviving! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: Gore and blood, panic attacks, and depressive intrusive thoughts.

Taglist: @g1rlsriot @zhivaxo @icabrth

Word count: 10.7k

Your eyes flutter as the blurry and smoky surrounding air hits your eyes. Your oculus is burning and dry. You couldn’t see straight, and you felt yourself move against the plastic surface against your chest and face. You groan and start to pull against it again with more strength, now with a hand on it flush against the hot plastic, but you still can’t move. You’re nose hurts so bad, your chest feels light and frantic, and your neck sores as you inch your face against your displaced seat. Lips letting out a pained whimper as you push again. 

No. No. No. 

The crash was real. You were really amid a nightmarish disaster unfolding around you, cut into you like a knife with the sounds of screams piercing through your ear after a few seconds of regaining your consciousness. Your cheek limply pressed against the navy plastic of the back of a seat that once was infront of you, and your back arched extremely uncomfortably as your plush chair was broken forward. “Thank god my neck didn’t break,” You think darkly as you fight against your seat again. Your chair was still on your back, but you slowly evaluated what was happening. 

Misty rushed past you down the walkway, the others screaming and crying loudly, and Taissa was close behind her. The two of them get to the plane's door and pry it open, some girls beg for them to open it, and others scream nonstop. Agony across everybody at this moment, and you look up to the others, paralyzed in your seat that has broken from the floor but stuck in the front that trapped you against the back of the seat in front of you. 

You start to blink faster when Misty pops the door with the summer breeze flowing into the plane, and you try again to move, this time with a foot kicking against the seat. You felt tears and panic come over you as you realized you were trapped in your chair. You were going to die in your seat. 

“Help! Help, please!” You cry out to the others, but you keep trying to push them away. “Lottie!?” 

You sob you sniffle in smoke as the dryness causes you to choke. You frantically push your shoulders back to your seat and use your face and hand to thrust yourself off the backing. You cry pathetically as some t with others, some with metal popping out of their body and others dressed in blood.

“(Y/n)!! Stop! Stop moving!” Lottie says to you as she comes over, her hand next to yours on the back of the seat, helping you move.

“Lottie, I can’t! I have-“

“You’re going to impale yourself!” Lottie snaps at you as she moves a hand to your lap to undo your belt. Your hips limply fell due to gravity and freed your other hand; you didn’t realize how pinned you were. Lottie then started to push the back of your seat away from you with all her strength, her biceps bulging and her face twisting with pressure. You meekly move out of the way with your limp hands and numb feet, your entire body trembling as you stumble into the plane aisle. 

You look behind you to see that the plane had a massive opening from the wing being ripped off by force, and just behind your seat was a sophomore impaled by a metal beam that supported the walls of the aircraft. The sharp metal stapled the girl through her heart. You only survived the metal beam by your seat breaking forward, missing the edge that attached the back of your chair. 

Your eyes wide with tears flowing out, your breath pulsing in your throat, you push yourself off the walkway. Adrenaline is pumping through you more than blood. You stood up, and you felt you would run a marathon. Lottie tugs you with her to the door before you can find solid ground with your numb feet; Lottie lets go as she goes outside. You follow behind her closely before you hear Van.

Van pleaded for help as she could get out of her seat. A fire started behind her in the flight attendant area, spreading and was horrific. 

It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like your body as your legs rush to the ginger. You quickly start helping her. Shauna comes from behind you and begins frantically pulling Van’s seat belt. Van was crying and frantically helping us with the belt, and it wouldn’t come off. All three of you fight the locked strap, Jackie pulls Shauna away with a fight, and you don’t even seem to be fazed by Jackie’s skinny hands trying to grip your shoulder.  

You don’t know what came over you as you shrug her hand away and fight even harder to save Van—Shauna cries out to you two when she is pulled with Jackie out of the plane. 

“Come on! God, please, come on, you fucking cocksucking slut!” You cry to the belt, feeling the heat of the fire near you, and Van smashes her hips and breaks it. 

Finally, it broke. You grab Van’s hand and quickly run out of the plane. The fire touching your arm, the smell of the tiny hairs burning, you yelp as both of you are pushed by the force of an explosion from the area you were just in.

You stumbled further away from the plane with small steps, the tall pine trees and dirt under your feet. You thought, “I am not supposed to be here.”

 Your eyes rain on the scene of the girls scurrying to try to help each other and find people alive. You see Travis yelling for Javi, Taissa yelling for Van as she rushes past you, and Misty holding a balled-up shirt to one girl bleeding eye. Your body freezes as you feel your knees buckle; you could get out of this tranced panic, breathing deeply. Your breath is quick as it comes in and out, and you feel lightheaded when you finally come to the truth that you were stranded where you were with them. They had no idea what to do, and you didn’t know either. 

 “You were supposed to be the smartest one here.” You remind yourself as you swallow the sobs begging to come out. You felt a wall go over you. It clicked and grounded you at the moment.

You spring out of your trance, your legs marching quickly over to Misty. She looked up at you with her big brown eyes, she looked just as scared as you, and you helped the young girl sit on the rock below her. 

“It’s okay; everything will be okay. Just keep this on your eye, okay!” You say to the girl with a forced smile. You cringe at the feeling of your lips turning upwards on your face, and shame dances around your body. “Misty, what can I do?” You ask Misty. You start wrapping a scrap of fabric around the balled-up shirt to hold it into place.

“(Y-y/n), i-i don’t know-“ 

“It’s okay. Just do your best.” You say quickly, the girls still swarming around and loudly trying to find people.

“I need you to rip these into strips so I can bandage three other girls,” Misty says quickly, handing you a shirt that you quickly start ripping with your bare hands. You felt strong with Arderaline. 

Both you and Misty start helping around, giving bandages, and trying to stop some girls from bleeding. You lost track of Misty as you comforted a first-year student with a deep cut on their arm, you closed it up and cleaned it, and your shaking hands tied the fabric to her arm. You grab a blanket to give to the girl for comfort, but you are stopped before you hand it over.

“Guys! Coach Ben!” Misty yells from the other side of the plane. You quickly rush over to her voice. You gasp as you find Coach Ben lying on the ground with a part of the broken-off wing on top of, crushed, his left leg. You feel the other senior girls come behind you, and they react similarly, “Help me move this!” Misty pleaded. She started to try lifting the heavy part off of the coach's leg. 

You and the others rush over to help her, the coach screaming his head off as you all lift with all your collective strength to move the wing. After a minute of struggling, you all carry the wing as you look down, Ben’s leg hanging on by a thread. The portion was ripped off from the knee, muscles and fat exposed with the sharp edges of the crushed bones of his lower leg. Blood leaked out of him rapidly when the wing was lifted, without the pressure to stop the bleeding from oozing out of the wound. 

You gasp and feel at a loss for words. You don’t know what to do, but you must do something. You drop to your knees as the others back off, scared and disgusted, and grab the blanket. 

As you lay out the makeshift gurney, you felt a sharp breeze with a thud beside you to the wounded leg. You snap up to see that Misty cut just above the eviscerated knee. You quickly wrap some of the blanket around the wound. 

“Help us move him!” Misty commanded, taking her belt off to tie it around Ben’s leg. 

“Misty, what the fu-“ 

“Everyone shut the fuck up and listen to me,” you snapped at them as you tried to help Misty with the leg. They froze at the sound of your voice. It was commanding and strong, sounding like your fathers when you camped and traveled. It startled you as you tightened the fabric on the meaty wound. The sticky blood leaks between your fingers and slides down your plush hand.

“We don’t need to question Misty right now, so shut the fuck up. She did the right thing. He would have bled out if she didn’t cut it off because we can’t fucking save a shattered bone with what we have.” As you looked at the other seniors, Misty was quiet beside you as she helped get the blanket under Ben. You look at the seniors and realize that as of right now, with  Ben passed out, the seniors were the only authority out here. And right now, you were thinking and decided it was best to try and control everything as best you could. Your fathers' advice about the wilderness comes to your head quickly as you say, “Shauna, Jackie, go get firewood; we need a fire before it is dark. Sticks are fine, but big ones the size of your legs would be wins, okay? We need a lot tonight.” 

Shauna nodded to you, and Jackie stared at you with disturbed eyes. She meekly nodded to you with Shauna. 

You snap your head to the next girl, Lottie’s warm and affectionate eyes on you, Lottie’s eyebrows drawn together, and a wrinkled folded skin between the eyes. “Lottie, I need you to find me something to light a fire. I will even take two fucking rocks. Please hurry!” You say sternly, pulling the edges under Ben, tugging it under his back and head, “Tai, you need to clear the way and get the other girls out of the injured. We will need to have a clear way to move him.” 

“Got it!” Tai says and rushes out of the scene, and she doesn’t think twice once you finish your order to her. 

“Natalie,” you say as you make eye contact with the panicked girl, “can you go find Travis? We’ll need him! Van, help us with him.” You say as you and Misty struggle to lift the adult man with the thin blanket, now soaked in his blood. Natalie doesn’t say a word before she runs off to find Travis, you didn’t even know why you asked for him, but you wanted to give everyone something to do. 

“Come on!” You groaned to the other two girls as you tightly held the blanket. The other two shuffle with you and struggle with Ben’s dead weight. 

You hear screams from the other girls as you three lay Ben down on the ground softly. You softly start wiping the sweat on his forehead and neck as he still lies in shock. 

You feel almost lost in a dream after Misty told you to sit down; everyone was running around now with the jobs you gave them. You slowly sit down against a tree, your hands caress every crevice of the bark, and you feel the cold air slowly flow inside your nostrils. You didn’t feel like you matched your reality, as you couldn’t understand why you were standing here. You were heading to Seattle for the weekend? You were meant to be there at 12:45, and you would call your mom before Jerry Springer came on and talked to her. How were you going to call your mom? You said you were going to call.

“Hey…” Lottie rushed over to you and touched your back, and she sighed as she held two rocks in her hands. The wrinkle on her brown was deeper than before, and her eyes looked dilated wide, “I couldn’t find a lighter. I couldn’t find Natalie, and I found these stupid rocks, but-” 

You silenced and looked down at the rocks in her hands as she self-depractiatonly rambled and gently took them from her soft hands like a gift. You felt empty, and you felt scared and confused. But you smiled and nodded your head to make her quiet. “Lottie, this is perfect. Thank you, this is exactly what I asked for.” You listlessly say to her and hold her hand for a second as you get the rocks. 

Lottie looks into your eyes for a moment and seems to be stuck in their gaze. Her diluted eyes look into yours, and for a moment, it seems like some kind of language is shared between her brown eyes to yours. 

sighed at Jackie, and she placed her wood down gently. She forced a smile on you as she did it. 

“Here!” Jackie said as she dumped the pile of firewood onto the ground beside you.

“Thank you, great job!” You animated. You knew Jackie needed positive reinforcement to keep morale up. You then kneel near the woodpile and move the kindling to the more cleared land to control the fire. You curl the small twigs and leaves and line up thicker sticks near you. You take the two undemanding rocks together, making a loud clang.

“What are you even doing?” Jackie whined behind you, watching over your actions. She is out of the three watching you alerting you of their eyes on you and sticking onto you.

You flick the rocks together again against their edges for friction. You quickly smash the rocks together and don’t ignore the gray stones in your hands. You flick them faster together, and tiny friction sparks come off them after your 10th strike. You lean the rocks lower to the dead leaves on the ground that quickly set alight. You drop the stones, blow smoothly onto the leaves, and feed them small sticks until a stable fire starts. You provide one of the sticks Jackie dropped for you.

“That. I was doing that, Jackie.” You decree as you put another piece of wood on the fire, forming a smile.

 All the girls sat around the burning fire; you stared at the stones you formed around it to protect the fire. You sit with your knees to your chest, your hands rubbing your numb legs up and down. A low tremble came over you a few hours ago. The dark comes closer as the girls are quiet. 

You sat by the fire and fed it the branches to keep the light alive for everyone. The sun that simmered along the gaps in the leaves dulled slowly until it was completely black in the wilderness. There was a calm with the injured, and most had fallen asleep. The girls seemed to quiet under the weight of reality. You bit your lip to keep yourself from saying anything to them, you didn’t even know what to say. The feeling of pulsing pain rests on the base of your neck, you feel a tingling and dull but sharp when you move too quickly. You hope it will go away soon. 

Shauna breaks the silence gently and smoothly. She was reassuring, “I am sure that the plan has an emergency transmitter or something that is sending a Distress signal and they’ll be here in the morning.”

“Still…” Jackie hesitates as she looks over at Van eating corn nuts. “Maybe we should conserve some food? In case they don’t get here till later in the day?”

Van nods, her lips pursed as a look of hurt enters her face. “You want to save the CornNuts?” 

“Jackie, let’s not worry about food for a moment. We will be okay.” You say, a little sternness to it as you poke at the fire, “We should worry about shelter first. We need to build or find something before we start worrying about food. We are fine.” 

The words that come out of your mouth don’t really sound like you. They sound like the words and tone your father used out camping. Sternly leading and correcting. You hated it. But you couldn’t find the strength to mask that up. “We’re just in the woods, you guys. We are built to live in all-natural conditions, and we have conquered it before. But this time, we know what we are doing. We’re in Canada, and the forest is fertile and green. We’ll be okay until tomorrow, when they will probably find us. Shauna was right; every plane since Vienmme has a distress box. We can eat the CornNuts.” You say to them to calm them down a little bit. 

“But what about bears?” Jackie asked to you, nervousness in her eyes. Everyone’s eyes look to you as you speak. You feel a weight on your chest but but you compose yourself. 

You smoothly fake a chuckle as you say, “The plane was very loud. And for a forest like this, that would scare off everything in a 15-mile radius away from the sound. Even Grizzley bear would run away from that. They will stay away from here for a day, We’ll be okay.” 

Jackie and everyone grows silent again. You look over to Van and see the soft sadness. You stop working on the fire and move beside Vanessa with a smile. You gently push the hair out of Van’s face, and ask her quietly, “Are you okay? The burns are looking better.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She utters back to you with her eyes glued to your hand that touched her face so tenderly. Van has never felt that kind of softness from someone, she looks up with puppy eyes. “Does it look bad?” 

“No. You look like you still, just a little crispy from the fire.” You mumbled and rubbed Van’s back. 

“You okay, Laura Lee?” Tai asked the girl next to her by us. You look over to the two and see the blonde worryingly pensive. A fat tear welled on the bottom of her waterline as she looked down to the dirt. 

“This is all my fault.” Laura Lee confessed, sincere with every vowel. “I did something really bad.” 

Tai looks over at the two of us, I shake my head, and Van shrugs her shoulders. Confused and worried. 

 “I kept screwing up in my piano lesson last week. Mrs. Brophy kept yelling at me.” She continued, tears falling down to the ground. “Sharp. F sharp. F sharp.” She whispered in memory. “I just… I couldn’t take it anymore. So I called her a bad word. Just in my head, but… God heard me. Now we’re all being punished.” She mournfully nods in disgust in herself. Van shakes a little beside you as she tries to hold in a laugh. You grip her arm to hold it in. 

“What did you call her?” 

“A cunt.” She whispers. A muffled laughter breaks out in the group as we all laugh at the innocence of her words. Even Laura Lee breaks out into a laugh.

“I steal shitty clothes from TJ Maxx.” Lottie blurted out. 

“What?” Van giggled. 

“I return them, and I get the credit that I never use, and I have thousands of dollars in T.J. bucks.” She explains, and we all laugh again louder. You feel a sharp pain in your neck as your head rolls back, your ribs yell at you to stop, but you can’t, a cut on your lip opens, and a little taste of blood comes to your tongue. 

Sometimes you think people laugh as hard as they want to cry. And these are one of those times. 

“What? Really?” Jackie agust, giggling to Lottie. 

“I, uh… I used to sneak downstairs after everybody had gone to bed and watch The Color of Night. So, I could pause it on Bruce Willis’s wang.” 

Giggles and cackles. 

“Definitely why we crashed,” Tai added. 

“Jeff’s not bad, but damn. Right?” 

You don’t notice Misty slipping away from the group as you exclaim, “I was the one that spray painted that Mr. Madden was a Pervert!” 

Everyone roared with laughter, and tears came to their eyes, shock and disbelief. 

“No fucking way!” Natalie chimed. 

“Yeah! I saw he looked up Susie’s skirt when she was getting books, and the time he called that only whores wear slipped skirts! I just fucking had it!” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah, I was just trying-” 

The screaming of couch Ben cut you off. You all run over to find that Misty has cauterized his wound.  Immediately Taissa and the others start to ridicule Misty, and you quickly tell them that it is what is best for an open wound. You feel yourself start to space out for a moment, running on autopilot. 

‘21 

Your fingers type onto the keyboard as you blankly stare at the computer screen. You were trying to finish the 17th chapter of your book, trying to add as much smut as possible. You groan as you roll your aching shoulders. You slowly and declicly roll your head not to upset the temperamental wound that never healed. Over the years, the base of your neck always seemed to be annoyed and caused you to have intense migraines. It sometimes felt like a little devil stabbing you in the back. You take a long breath, feeling it slide down your throat, and you look down at the screen again.

You reread out loud as you light yourself a cigarette, “She slid her hands under the strap of Anna’s belt, touching and twitching the soft bulb- clit that made Anna sigh out for her lover.” You corrected and typed. 

Brring! Brring! Brring! 

You look down at your phone next to you to see it vibrating and a name that makes your heart fall to your stomach. You answer it quickly. 

“Hello, Misty, what going on?”

“Oh! I’m doing good, I just got off a shift with my least favorite co-worker, and it was super unprofessional; I mean, who calls off 20 minutes before a shift?” 

You felt a smile come to your cheeks as you hear Misty talk on the other end. “Someone who is a jag off, girl.” 

“Yeah, sorry for calling you so late.” It’s 5 pm. “I was calling to let you know that I spoke with that Jessica person, and you were right, super shady. The publisher isn’t real, and I couldn’t find her anywhere.” 

“Did she ask you anything?” 

“Nothing more than what you said she would. She was weird.” 

You chuckle at this and hear her on the other end giggling hysterically. You knew she was just laughing to copy you, but it didn’t stop the warmth coming into your heart. “Yeah, she is weird. Anything else I should know?” 

“Well, did you get the postcard?” 

“What, no? What postcard?” 

“I got this postcard, and it, uh, it had It on it. I think someone is trying to blackmail us.”  

You felt your heart drop to your stomach, and you turned away from your outside desk and went inside. You felt tense from learning that. “Well, haven’t got a postcard, and I know we all wouldn’t peep about it-“ 

“I don’t know; someone could have spoken.” 

“Well, if they did, we would find them, and they know what we do to traitors.” You snapped firmly, tense with a familiar feeling of needing to protect the hive. You take a deep breath, trying to shake the reflective sharpness of your words. “I’m sorry, Misty, didn’t mean to get that way-“

“I get it.” Misty proudly says on the other end; you could imagine her putting her hand on her chest and her smile trying to win you over. “I was like that when I first saw it. But don’t worry; I don’t think it’s too much because it only has the single and nothing else. The postcard was bought online, so I couldn’t find where they bought it, and there is no way to trace it, but it most likely is nothing but someone trying to stir stuff up. “ 

“Oh.” You sighed out of relief. You put your hand to your forehead.

“I have another thing to tell you.” Misty chimed happily, “Natalie is back in town. I know. I was shocked too.” 

“Holy shit?! Natalie is back?” You say with a little bit of your air knocking out of you. You and Natalie had a very close relationship. Once you were rescued, Natalie went off and did her own thing. You saw her periodically throughout the last 24 years since she left Wiskayok. The last time you saw or heard from Natalie was in 2013 when she was in New York, and she went to the old flat you had had for the entirety of your time in the city for your career. She came over, you cooked for her and caught up, and you two made love. She left in the middle of the night to never speak to you again. You heard she was in rehab, getting better a few times, then released, and the cycle continues.  She always returned to you like an old samurai movie where the husband had left the wife for years only to go again because of duty. That duty was running away from what happened like a fool. 

“Yeah, She came back in town last night. We caught up last night. Funny enough, I was on a date, and when I got home-“ 

“Let me guess. Nat broke into your house?”

“How did you know?!” Misty was astonished, and a giggle came out of her mouth like an uncontrollable tick. “Yeah, she came in and thought I was the one that sent the postcards because she got one.”

“Now I feel left out.” You joke as you smoke the end of your cigarette that you mainly had forgotten about from the stampede of intense memories. “Was she doing good?” You asked, your eyebrow furrowed slightly. You had always worried about your team; even after you cut off most of them, it didn’t mean you didn’t want them to be happy.

“Yeah, she looked great…” Misty said on the other end, and she got quiet. You did, too, just wanting to hold the air that connects you two for a moment longer. 

“I have-“ you start and get cut off from Misty.

“You still live on Applepine, right?” 

You still, and a breath comes through you, your voice says before you can stop. “Yeah, I moved back in.” 

“Great! I’ll see you later!”

“What?” 

“I’m going to pick you up later, and we can see Natalie together!” Misty chimed happily. A little bit of panic comes over you as you feel the unease of leaving the safety of your home. “I think it would be good for us to catch up and talk together.” 

You pause, and your eyes linger on the window in your kitchen; you stare into the treeline of the oak trees that lingered on your land. You stare into the darkness collected by the trees as if it was pulling you into the shade from your home's kitchen. “I-I need a little bit more time before that. I need to prepare to go out and-” You stop rambling and say with a crease on your brow. “You know what, If Natalie is still here in a few days, I would be more than willing to meet up.” 

“Really?” She amazed. 

“Yeah.” you jerk as a cold sweat collects on your brow. You locked into a trace with the shaded side of the yard. “I would love to see you two and see how you have been up to.” 

“Great! We’ll get coffee! I’ll come around Monday morning?” 

You felt a forced smile come over your lips as if she was in front of you, a deeply founded habit you couldn’t let go of, always acting without wanting to make someone else happy. “Yeah, that sounds great! I’ll talk to you then?” 

Misty giggled on the other end, chirping, “See you Monday! I’ll text you the details!” 

She hangs up the phone, but you stand in your kitchen and see the tree in the distance start to shift under your intense stare. You don’t know if you imagined it; the tree branches don’t seem right. Trees typically had random sticks and edges to the extensions, not horns proudly pointing toward your home. 

You gulp and close your eyes. Opening them again to only find the tree back to how it should be, you blink a few times before you text the closest person to tell about this. 

You: HEY! Something is happening with Misty and Natalie. I’m going on a trip so that is where I am if I go MIA Shauna: Misty? You are talking to Misty again?  You: Girl, She called me, and I’m not going to say no to her.  Shauna: K good luck  🙏

————————————————-

‘96 

You finally find a good moment to leave, and everyone in the injured group is calm after Misty cauterizes Ben’s leg. Tai, Van, Mari, Natalie, and you all decided to stay up in shifts to look over the team while they slept because they were still scared of animals. You told them to look around for anything and call you if they found anything edible. You then kind of walked off; you shooed away Mari and Tai because you “needed to pee.” 

You walk straight for 10 minutes; you turn around to see the small fire about 2½ miles off. The woods sang loudly and unashamed all around you, the sounds of the trees moving, squirrels running, the sounds of bees in hives humming in the air. You felt that seed that was laid in your chest, and it danced around with every step. Your mind was clear, complete and suppressed as you finally sat down again. Body tingling and squeaking as your plush back leans on the bark of the old oak tree, soreness rests sternly on your eyes and neck. Every blink hurts, every turn of your head insults your neck, and every word out of your mouth opens a scab on your lower lip from a cut you have assumed came from your teeth from the force of the plane hitting your face.   

And like a bomb whining down, you exploded. 

A sob escaped before you even realized it, and your body convulsed to cup your mouth shut. You couldn’t stop it this time. Your face twists, and you sob helplessly into your hands, your knees protecting your chest. You lean harder onto the tree and try to hide in it. You just wanted to be strong and smart. “No crying at camp”, are the words your father said to you when you were a kid and when you grew hysteric when he skinned a rabbit. You felt a hollowing in your chest, like a child for a moment in the woods, and you never felt so lost in your life. 

“Where the fuck am I? In Canada, the plane crashed in the woods in the mountains. But pilots have to tell someone they are going to another country, right? Why wouldn’t they? Do they think we are in Seattle? Oh my god, mom and dad!” You thought and started feeling trapped in a small box that grew tighter around you. Your throat closed like a Barracuda sprang up and twisted around your neck, waiting to eat you when you die. You are going to die alone without your mom or dad. They were never going to find you. “Oh my god, I was going to call my mom! How am I going to talk to her? What is going to happen? FUCK! What time is it? Isn’t it 10:30? She needs her medication! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I want my mom! I want my mommy!” You helplessly thought, your breath moving fast in and out, wrapping your arms around yourself to hug yourself to find comfort in this crashing moment. 

“Hey! (Y/n), you over there?” 

Your head snaps up, and sees Misty walking towards you with a blanket. She is almost running to you. You try and fail to wipe your tears away, and you try to hide the panicked shaking in your body. 

“Yeah.” you croak. 

Misty gets closer and slows down, her eyes on your face. Her face pinches, and her eyebrows furrowed. She looks a little angry at the tears on your face. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

You chuckle a little and wipe the still-falling tears. You shake your head and look at her with a smile creaking, and you start to feel delirious. “Outside of surviving a plane crash, worrying about my old as fuck parents, and trying to keep it cool. You know, nothing big.” You lightly joke, lightly lament, but a crack in your voice wins the fight to suppress it from showing how hurt you are under the surface. You don’t even know how you came across to others, and it worried you deeply, hoping you were not being a bitch and trying to keep everything calm before it got real. 

“(Y/n)…” Misty sighs; she pushes up her glasses in her way. She smiles, comes closer to you, crouching before you, and puts the blanket around you. “You are the smartest girl here. You are freaking valedictorian, and you started a fire! We would be so lost without you.” she compliments. It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You wanted her to confide in you as you did, but you think she doesn’t understand that she can do that. 

You smiled at her, not accepting her words but acting like you did. “You are very sweet, Misty, thank you. You’re right. And the same can be said about you; you fucking took charge today Misty. I am very proud of you.” You said, honey dripping through the words. You wanted her to feel comfort, too; it was kind that she still tried to do the emotional labor even out here. Misty’s eyes were wide as plates when you spoke, and she was silent. She nodded her head; her cheeks were deeply red. You don’t understand why she got so flustered by a mirrored compliment. Misty’s eyes were a little watery, and you didn’t know what came over you, but you leaned over and hugged your blanketed arms around her shoulders. 

Misty’s cheek nestles to yours, and you rub her back. Misty’s hand awkwardly hovered your skin, and her breath hitches audibly. 

It made you feel sad for her. A simple hug was enough to make her breath stop. She was touch starved and had no friends, but she was kind and sweet. Yes, Misty is the weirdest person you have ever met, that sometimes gets under your skin, but she never was cruel. 

“T-thank you, (y/n).” 

“Not a problem. What are friends for?” You say to lighten your mood and her. You felt yourself wall up again and forget why you were crying as you hugged Misty. Her hair moves to look at you and pull from the hug, smelling like marshmallows and raspberry. 

“We’re friends!? Are you sure?” Misty asked; she seemed a little shocked to hear you say that. 

You laugh and nod, “Yeah, we’re friends, girl. Why do you think I went to you first?” You say, not wholly truthful but honest, that she was the first person you went to when you exited the plane. She knows that too. She blushes and stares at you a few inches from your face, not backing off the hug. You smile and hug her again, feeling comfort from her body on yours. You rub your hands on her shoulder up and down, showing her how much you care at that moment.

“Hey! I think I found some berries or something.” Natalie calls out for you a few feet away, probably not seeing you in the dark. You pull away from Misty and stand up with her; you take the blanket and wrap it around your shoulders. 

“I will catch up with you later, Misty; try to go get some rest because you rocked it today.” You reassure and turn to find Natalie, Misty doesn’t look away from you. She nods and hesitates before she walks out to the camp. You don’t notice her walk out into the forest. 

You start to walk towards where Natalie’s voice was. Sticks and leaves crunch under your feet. You call her name once before feeling a hand coming to your arm.

“Hey-“

“FUCKING CHRIST!” you shriek, falling back to Natalie’s chest. You turn to find her face inches away from yours. Her hand seems to tighten on your flesh when you look at her, trying to hold onto you longer.

“Shit-I’m sorry!” 

“Nat, your all good!” You laugh, feeling the fear leave you quickly. You pull your arm away from her touch. Natalie’s eyebrows furrowed at the movement, and looked harder at you. “You found something?”

“Yeah. Come with me,” Natalie said, crossing her arms over her chest, and she walked a few feet with you to a bush with little blue and red berries on the branches. “Here, I almost tripped over it when I took a leak.”

You chuckle and look closer, even in the darkness, you can tell what they are in a second. They are super common in Northern America and are primarily for deer, which means that deer and doe will be around the area with time of year. You smile and exclaim, “You did good! These are yummy!” 

“Wait? They are not poisonous?” Natalie asked with wide eyes, shocked she found something of importance. 

You smile and shake your head, “yeah, you did. Good eye, I wouldn’t have found them in the dark.” You say, looking for something to collect them in. Natalie is silent as she watches your face, she is almost studying the curve of your face in the darkness, and she snaps out of it and pulls out a scarf from her leather jacket pocket. 

You thank her and take the cloth to start collecting the red and blue berries, Natalie does the same, and you smile at her. “Okay, so remember, White and Yellow, kill a fellow. Purple blue is good for you. Red is something for you. Like it’s 50/50, these berries come in two colors, so I know they are okay. They are called Bilberries, they’re kinda like, um, currents and cherries.” You teach her. You softly touch her arm to show her the berries. You take one into your mouth and the juices of the natural small berry pop in your mouth with a tart sweetness that is so luscious on your hungry tongue. A small moan comes from your mouth, and you hand one over to Natalie’s mouth. 

Natalie’s big blue eyes look deep into your eyes as her mouth opens, welcoming the berry in your hand. Your hand gently puts the berry into her lip, and the skin of your palm glides on her lower lip softly as you move your hand back. It felt like it was in slow motion. You pull yourself away to pull more berries, with heat coming to your neck and spreading up your cheeks.  

“Cool.” Natalie smiled. She picked some more and put them in the palm of your hand. She looks at you and says, “I never knew you knew all this stuff. Woodsy and shit.” 

You shake your head and laugh, a little embarrassed, and pick more berries into your palm. “I’m not really. My dad is this Teddy Roosevelt kind of guy. He tries to take us to all the national parks each summer.” You explained, the marble ball of dread rattling as you spoke. You miss your dad. You wanted to hear his voice. “I just like to know a little bit about everything.” You continued. You look over to Natalie and see this softness on her face. Her eyes were on you, her blue eyes were a little sad as she took your words in. She never knew what it was like for a father to want to spend time with their kids or do things that didn’t involve screaming. She knew that if anyone should have a good family, it was you. Natalie always saw you as this sweet light for her, one of the only good things that she has going on and had going on for years. You were a good influence and taught her math and English outside the club. You were patient and never made Natalie feel small for not getting something. You just accepted people in Natalie’s eyes, which she longed for. 

Natalie smiled at you and handed you some more, “You are really smart, you know that. Seriously, you are the only person I copied on and still got an A.” 

Laughing, “Oh whatever, you know if you applied yourself, you would get A’s too.” You say back, remembering the years of letting Natalie look over your shoulder to cheat on almost every math test since freshmen year. 

“Nah, I don’t know. I do know that you are smart as fuck.” 

“Oh please, your smart too! You are the only person I know that can read a map correctly, and you know how to talk to people-“

“(Y/n), that doesn’t take smarts to talk to people.” 

You shake your head with a soft smile, “No, but it takes a different kind of intelligence just to meet people and talk to them. You are smart, and I will not let you shut yourself down in my presence.” You said with a stern ending. You take the last of the berries and let Natalie finish up. 

“Fine, but know that I disagree.” Natalie joked and handed me the last of the berries. Her hand stopped on top of the berries. Like she wanted to hold your hand under the mountain of berries, she looked at your face and said, “How are you holding up?” 

You look at her face and feel the weight of her blue eyes on your face. You felt like blushing. A small ping of guilt comes over you when you remember she doesn’t know you are gay. “Honestly, I am not doing better than anyone else. I am freaking a little bit on the inside right now.”

Natalie nods and purses her lips, “I get it. I am still shaking from everything…”

“Same. My legs feel like jello, but happy to still be standing.” You smile and chuckle a bit to make it lighter than you feel. The bruising around your eyes hurts when your cheeks pull up in your smile. You just push it away. You and Natalie start walking back to the camp. You keep bumping your shoulder with hers. “Okay, I don’t want to sound insecure-“

“Then don’t.” 

“Does my face look bad? I look a little messed up, but I don’t know. And I know you will be honest with me.” You asked, you touched your eye to the soreness under it. You haven’t looked at yourself well yet because of how busy you were with everything, but you knew you looked as bad as you felt. 

“You're still sexy you.” She said and put a hand on your shoulder, her blue eyes burned into the side of your face. “You’ll still have a modeling career after all this, don’t worry.”

You laugh and act out relief with a dramatic hand wiping sweat from your brow. “Oh, thank god, I don’t know what to do if Victoria's Secret cut me from the summer collection.” 

You and Natalie laugh as you come to the circle of sleeping girls; you shh her, and you hold in your giggles. She tries to as well but fails a little bit. You quietly go to the fire and put the berries near it for tomorrow. 

Lottie sits up from her makeshift sleeping bag, “Your guys still up? Did you find anything?” She whispered to us. You give her a quick look of apology for waking her with your giggles. You nod toward the pile of berries in the cloth and say, “Yeah, don’t worry about it. Go back to bed.” 

You missed the sharp look Natalie sent Lottie that told her to back off and stop talking to you. Lottie doesn’t bad down as she says, “Okay… but you sleep next to me. I am scared.” 

“Oh, Lottie.” You melted a little bit at the small voice she had coming out of her mouth. You smile and move to her, letting Natalie stand by the fire alone.

“Hey, no, (Y/n), come sleep next to us. Shauna and I have your bag next to us.” Jackie says, cutting through the air sharply. She stops you from moving, and you look over to her like a deer in the headlights.

“Well, she was going to sleep with me-“ 

“No, (y/n) come over here,” Jackie commanded softly.

“Uhm, how about I sleep with Jackie and Lottie you can come sleep by me too. Win-win.” You say to Lottie and come over to Jackie and Shauna. You smile at both and see your bags still together and not super damaged. You almost cry when you see your bag. You open it up and look through the contents. You see your clothes, underwear, makeup, notebook and pens, your Walkman and cassettes, and most importantly, you find the ½ bag of your mom's medical marijuana that you had hidden in your room but took with you out of paranoia that your parents would find it while your away. Your purse connected with the small chain, your dad insisted on giving you the old chain to secure luggage, and that inside your pack of cigarettes were still all together. You didn’t engage with the soft bickering of Lottie and Jackie. Natalie seemed to just sit down by the fire with a gloomy aura about her now. 

“Jackie, why did you always to have it your way-”

“I do not! Her stuff was here because she put it here; Shauna found her purse and stuff, so shut up and go to bed.” Jackie whispered hiss at Lottie as you stood back up from your purse, slipping your pack into the back of your jeans. 

“Yeah, Lottie, relax. Don’t get on Jackie’s case about it for no reason.” Shauna added in, hyping Jackie up. 

You steal the pack and smile at the girls that were still bickering about where you were going to sleep. You look at them and say, “Actually, I think me and Natalie are going to look out for some more berries.” 

Natalie’s eyes widen, and she comes back behind you, her eyes that were angry that the girls took your attention away. She looked slightly smug as she reached behind you. Jackie and Lottie whine slightly, asking you to just sleep with them and saying that it’s not safe if you leave them. 

“Everything is okay. I will be back in a few. Don’t worry so much. I will come right back.” Your day, and you pull Natalie with you again to the woods. You don’t miss the displeased faces of Jackie and Lottie. “I just wanna see if we can find more. Come on, Nat.” You say and tug her with you. 

You both walk back into the woods and to the bush, “I thought we were looking for more berries.” 

“Fuck that.” You said, and you pulled out your pack of cigarettes and lighter. You smirk at her and say, “Would you like one?” 

Natalie smirked at you, took one from the pack, and leaned forward toward your face. The end of the cigarette meets the end of yours. Your eyes look into her blue eyes as they look down. You start to wonder if all the flirting you two have done was real for her as it was for you and how it would be just to lean forward. 

“You know you smell good?” Natalie rasped as she pulled back, her now-lit cigarette glowing at the end. She smiles and puffs the stick with her fingers decorated in chipped black lacquer. She nods, “You feel like a girly girl. All fruity and shit.” 

You laugh; you are aghast, “I don’t know how! I just smell like sweat and blood.” 

Natalie chuckled and shook her head, and she continued to flirt with you lightly. The two of you not noticing or caring about the pressure from the trees. 

Fingers gripping the bark hard enough to scratch lines on the weak bark. Watching the two of them talking and laughing. The eyes of the girl glued onto the two figures around the bilberry bush; they feel a growl hum in their throat. How fucking dare they make you smile like that. How dare you share a cigarette with her. Natalie is a fucking burnout and doesn’t have anything going for her. How is she going to protect you, take care of you? They would not take this at all, now that they have spent their whole life loving you. They back off the tree, stalking closer, leaning on the curve of the tree to be hidden in the moonlight. They watch and listen; if Natalie would learn and experience you, so were they. 

‘21 

You sat at your kitchen table, dressed in your black slip nightgown. You scroll over your emails, seeing the publisher's demands for you to finish quicker but also giving you “creative control”, and your manager asking you to tweet something about the upcoming book. You yawn as you start your day with a longish awkwardness and slowness. 

Knock! Knock!  

You sit up straight as you wrap the red blanket on your lap around your shoulder, you cover your thin legs as you walk to the front door. You rub the crust from your eye as you lazily open the door, greeted by the crisp spring morning air and freezing at the people that stood in front of you. 

Big blue eyes lined thickly with eyeliner and black strands of hair over the matured face of Natalie Scat. Bouncing ashy blonde curls danced as Misty animatedly waved to you, greeting, “Good afternoon, (Y/n)! Sorry for stopping by unannounced, but we were in the neighborhood, and We needed to stop to a restroom, but we couldn’t find anywhere to go, so we came here.” 

Your eyes hadn’t moved from Natalie’s since you opened the door; the past lingered, and who we once were to each other is always implied when we see each other. There was a ping from something deeper within you calling for you to say everything and nothing to her, your souls singing to each other privately. 

You take a breath and look at Misty. It felt like moving a ton of weight off your chest to disconnect with the baby blues, but you knew better than to fall into them. You see how happy she was to see you and how her smile seemed to be wider than the ones on her social media. You smile back and quickly hug her, “Hey! Oh my god, Welcome in!” You say quickly and let them into your house. 

Misty confidently strides into your home and looks around, commenting on how she remembered everything back in the day. The times after you all were rescued when Misty would come over after nursing school to chat comes to your mind, the moments of letting her into your only safe space and how kind she was to you. You couldn’t leave your family home after you came back home, you refused to step foot outside, and your dad didn’t fight you on it. You didn’t leave the house until you were 26, after years of slowly coming outside to parks and stores until you could live a “normal” life again. Misty was right there. She never wanted to be anywhere else it seemed, and you couldn’t get away from the deep loyalty you felt for her in some ways. 

Natalie slowly comes into the house, she hesitates and looks around. She stands by the door as you point to the bathroom for Misty. 

Natalie looks to the ground, almost unable to look up into your eyes again. She felt it too. She always felt that pull from your eyes, from your presence, and she knew that she had fucked it up in so many ways. And there you were, beautiful and safe, standing before her. You watch her eyes scan your floors and baseboards, “You look good, Nat.” You utter in the silence. 

Natalie chuckled lowly, looking at you quickly and looking away. She was getting nervous being her, and she played it off in her way of being cagey. “Thanks.” 

“Seriously. You’re not so pale. I never liked it when you were pale.” you confess, you push a hair behind your ear. Even after all these years, tenderness never died for her. You could never not love Natalie. “How are you doing?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Okay.” You mutter and nod softly, a pain rings throughout your body at the base of your neck. You pull a little away from her and look down, feeling like a teenager again being rejected. 

Natalie sighs softly, knowing how she is acting is unfair to you as it has always been. She looks at you with soft eyes. “I-I’m going to see Travis. Misty found where he lives, and we will go check on him.” 

A marble rattles in your chest. 

“Is it okay if I come?” You ask, not really knowing why you are asking her this. You don’t know why you want to come along. You shouldn’t. You need to finish your book. But you need this. “I’m free today, Misty asked about coffee. I’d love to get a coffee with you two.” 

“Really? You want to come with me and Misty Quigley?” She teased, a rise from her eyebrow. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? Wait a second!” You say and throw the blanket to the couch, wearing the slip and moving to your stairs quickly. “I’ll go get dressed. Don’t leave without me!” 

You felt a rush of something you haven’t had in a long time. You felt the need to do this. To spend time with them and make up for something. Anything. You quickly dress in something comfy, you comb your hair. You hear a squeal from Misty downstairs and Natalie groaning back to her, you feel a smile coming to your face. 

You look down at your phone before you leave your bedroom, and you see a simple text from Shauna that makes you chuckle. 

Shauna: Jeff and Callie think I was joking about the rabbit and it’s still making me crack up  You: LOL! But does rabbit even taste good in chili? Shauna: Yes Shauna: You should try it sometime Shauna: still coming over next week?  You: Where else would I be? Love ❤️️

‘96

Misty’s feet carried her deeper into the woods to go to the bathroom. A grin on her face, tears coming down quickly down her round cheeks. She did it. She made a friend. A friend that loves her and hugs her. 

Misty happily sits down and readies herself to go to the bathroom. The sound of a few girls pacing catches her ears. 

It was Van and Mari praising Misty for taking control of the wounded and how they would be “lost without her”. Misty felt a rush of love pulse over her as she thinks about how this is the most love she has felt in such a long time. 

Misty hasn’t been hugged in 130 days since today. It was Christmas day when her grandmother gave her a loving hug that she had wanted more than the VHS player and the newest The World Book Encyclopedia volume 11. She just wanted to relieve the itch on her skin that stained her and called her unwanted. She never felt loved. But she could at least be held, right?

Misty hadn’t felt that anyone had ever really seen her. When people see small things about her, they act like she is an outcast. Misty was scared to show herself, but she didn’t know how to hide it.  

But you.

 You’ve seen her. You listened. You talked. You smiled. You loved. 

So, when the blinking red light of the distress box lights the leaves of a bush that caught Misty’s eye. She knew what she had to do. 

You finally were her friend. People finally seen her as important. She was needed. 

Misty smashes the box with passion and rage. Like it was the thing that kept rejecting her all her life, not her mom, not her dad, not the yellowjackets, this fucking box. 

Misty uses all her weight with a rock on the metal box, wiring exposed for her. She pulls it and kills the light. Pulling with the whining of old wires. Killing everyone’s chance to be rescued.

Misty did this for you. She knows you would leave her when high school ended. She knew everyone would treat her like nothing again. You were all that was important. Nothing. Just you.

Just you.

(Y/n) (Y/N) (Y/N)

I'll take care of you! I'll love you. You'll want for nothing.

There was no return after befriending Misty Quigley. 

Note: Sorry for how long it took for me to finish this chapter up but I was working extra hours for my vacation next week and got kinda lazy because of that. Please tell me all your thoughts and criticisms!

Teen looks, Adult looks, and the things that you brought with you to your trip to Seattle that had never been.

[laufire]

top five favorite Yellowjackets dynamics?

(thank you for sending it again! I think I intended to delete one ask and then I did. idek what xDD)

IIRC @legendsofamultishipper also asked me about my favourite dynamics in her ask.

If I were to pick a true number one, it'd be "the team". The group dynamic itself and how it's progressing due to the complications of their stay in the wilderness is absolutely fascinating. The pull and push of the embryos of "factions" building, the tension, the mutations or distance or deepening of past dynamics, the slow build (kind of wish it was even SLOWER, I like that xD) to the cult we've been hinted at... I'm into that shit xDD

Small aside: someone else has probably raised the possibility, but I've wondered whether there will be just one (1) antler queen (Lottie as the favourite, Shauna as the spoiler, IMO XD), OR if it'll be a rotating position so everyone is "equally" to blame, iykwim? Idk, I think if there'd been just one (1) girl in charge the dynamics among them in the future would be different (although I'd have to see more of the others vis a vis Lottie to be sure. Natalie is hostile towards her but that's not as clear-cut, and I think if Lottie had been Completely In Charge it'd make more sense for her to be waaaaaaaaay beyond hostile and snarky lol). I mean, unless my half-joke theory turns to be true and it was Mari until there was an uprising against her xDD

(not so small after all asñdlfkajsf)

After that... I must go with Jackie and Shauna. I find it really engaging, everything I could've asked for in terms of messy toxic teen girlfriendship LOL. The only caveat it's that Jackie's death and the consequent stagnation of their relationship is a double-edged sword: yes, it adds a fascinating component, especially in the future when you see how NOT OVER IT Shauna remains... but it means there's no advancement, no possible deeper exploration from half of the relationship (barring the show going full supernatural and resurrecting Jackie I guess xD, but it's doubtful). Jackie's doomed by the narrative and that's part of what I like about her, but it also means that Jackie-the-person, instead of Jackie-the-construct, has little to contribute from now on. All of this is to say: right now these two occupy the second position, but other relationships have more possibilities to grow in my esteem going forward.

For number three, I'm choosing Misty and Natalie. It's hilarious and weirdly heartwarming in the creepiest of ways xD, and I simply enjoy every second of them on my screen. Misty's fixation and admiration of Natalie could be enough to write an essay, and I also love wondering about how much their moments in 1x09-1x10 were Natalie genuinely warming up a little to Misty and how much it was Natalie needing her help LOL.

Positions four and five could vary going forward (there are so many dynamics that have gone underexplored for now but that I'm IMMENSELY curious about). But as of now, I'm going to pick Taissa and Van. This interview was an eye-opener. I already like them from what we've seen, but I'm really banking on their potential as exes in the present timeline because you guys all know I loooooove a good exes plot. Add that whatever is going on with mirror!Tai wanting to see Van again... I'm Looking 👀

I'd say either Lottie and Laura Lee or Lottie and Natalie. The first has that prophet/disciple flavour going on that I find superb, but we run into a similar problem as Jackie-Shauna (even more, given how comparatively little we have of Laura Lee vs. Jackie). Lottie and Nat still have a lot to say, IMO. I feel like we've barely scratched the surface in comparison, and I want to see more, but I'm not quite there. Shauna and Tai are a good pair too, but they've given me less in the last few episodes.

Since I already tagged her: @legendsofamultishipper also asked me about my favourite and least favourite characters.

My favourites could also be encompassed by "the team", although I obviously have preferences lol. Misty and Lottie are likely at the very top (Misty is unhinged and I can't look away from the crash, Lottie has the heretic messiah thing going for her), with Taissa and Natalie not far behind, Shauna as the !!!!! option, Jackie as a great Dead Girl TM, Vanessa has a lot of potential, and Mari and Crystal are simply hilarious...

As for "least favourite"... I don't hate anybody, but I reiterate that I don't care for the normies AT ALL. Like, nothing. "Oh this character is having a Rough Time" were they in the crash? Did they have to survive in the wilderness? No? Then I'm not paying any attention to them. My empathy is fully turned off, trust me xDD. My hierarchy is girls in the crash >>> boys in the crash >>>>>>> normies. But I'm mainly neutral about (and sometimes amused by) them. The ones I'd say I dislike the most are the cop characters, especially that moustache one, or Randy, or Adam... but it's a ~mute dislike, iykwim. They're unlikeable people, I just don't care about them as characters.

[cdyssey]

Yellowjackets 2.09 Reactions:

Oh, boy. Here we go. 😭

CW: Cannibalism

I’m so nervous—I’m gonna be sick.

NOT “ZOMBIE.” OH, GOD GODDAMN.

Travis’s relieved Natalie has broken me, already in anticipation of what’s going to fucking happen next.

THE WILDERNESS CHOSE.

I’m so sick over Travis’s visceral sobs—that’s his baby brother. He just got him back, and now he’s gone. (Kevin did such a good job here. Hhhhhgh.)

Lottie about to go all in on the euthanasia tea, but everyone else immediately protests. It’s Shauna who talks Lottie down from the ledge.

SHAUNALOTTIE HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, BABY!!

Shauna giving the rest of the adults a wink, wink, nudge, nudge over Lottie’s shoulder as Lottie weeps. I feel for Lot so much. She just doesn’t want to be alone in feeling the way that she does. How much of her life has she been alone—the only one burdened by “visions,” sent to Switzerland for years, the teenage girl turned venerated prophetess??

“This is just about us.” It always has been. The six of them together. They were the power shakers in the cabin: the leaders, the butchers, the devoted worshippers, the hunters.

Shaunalottie handhold. <33 My superpower is that I can ship any configuration of the core six if they look at each other longer for two seconds.

“Yeah, except we got over it.” Natalie, ma’am, no, y’all, did not. <3

The makeup team is doing a stellar job in both timelines—the dark lines beneath Adult Tai’s eyes and Lottie’s injury makeup are really great.

Goddamn, poor Lottie.

“You started this. It’s done.” In the wilderness (and in the adult timeline as well), the girls are always looking for ways to foist the shame and responsibility away from themselves. Lottie started it. It chooses. Et cetera., et cetera. But they all became wrapped up in the darkness at some point or another. They all stood there silently as Javi disappeared below the surface of the water.

“Lottie is pleased with the wilderness’s choice.” Misty putting words into Lottie’s mouth. If Lottie is their deity or their priestess or saint or what have you, then Misty is a false prophet, spreading a malicious truth and sending the girls careening towards that gaping maw that they’ve all opened together. She’s the closer.

The sadness in Shauna’s eyes. Javi adored her. They shared quiet moments of kinship together. He carved her a wolf, and she saved that boy once—told him to run and possibly prevented him from dying during Doomscoming. But she was complicit in his death, and now she’s going to fucking dismember and eat him.

Shauna’s shaking hand. The tears slipping down her face. Sophie fucking Nélisse.

The fact that it’s Tai, Shauna, Nat, and Van who are at the butchering. This is Javi’s funeral.

GOD, SHAUNA COVERING HER EYES SO SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO FACE HIM. I’M UNWELL, UNWELL, UNWELL.

Van to Tai: “Or if she is [sick], then so are you.” It’s a deep cut for Tai who has spent most of her adult life trying to hold on to her hinges and create a perfect facade of a normal life.

What’s Van trying to get Tai to do? 😭

THE SPLIT WALL BETWEEN NAT AND SHAUNA IN THE KITCHEN IS SUCH A GOOD DIRECTION. AND THIS NEEDLE DROP.

“Do you Google yourself a lot?” AKQKWKJDJDNS. Callie Sadecki, I love u.

Callie’s gonna get that gun by the end of the episode.

Jeff really thought he was sending Shauna to a spa WNWKWOWKDS.

The cops. 😭 Kevyn, I like you, but Matt can go fuck off.

Nat trying to protect Lisa. God, God, God.

“I appreciate you trying to teach me… forgiveness. It’s a nice idea.” JESUS.

IF NATALIE SCATORCCIO DIES, I S2FG

Ben’s momentary joy at seeing Shauna at the butcher’s table again, thinking someone bagged an animal.

THE LINGERING SHOT ON THE JAVI REMAINS JFC

Ben’s ready to get Nat and nope the actual fuck out.

“You’re not like the rest of these girls.” / “Actually, I’m worse.” […] “I let him die in my place.” God, it’s the way that Nat does have it in her to accept responsibility, how she shoulders it the most unflinchingly of the entire cabin.

“You’re a good person, Coach. You really don’t belong in this place.” Sick. It’s an echo of Travis telling Nat something similar last week.

Oh, this Travis-Van conversation is brutal. Van, the consummate survivor, is just happy to fucking be alive and she won’t feel shame for that.

We’re seeing a lot of manipulations in the cabin so far. Misty twisting Lottie’s words, and now Van rhetorically giving purpose of Javi’s death. Interesting roles for these two especially because they’ve been the “worshippers” and “followers” for the most part. But as we’re learning, that role doesn’t go without influence.

WALTER SINGING “SEND IN THE CLOWNS,” ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONDHEIM SONGS?!?!?! Elijah has a very good voice!!

Kevyn Tan is so hot. It’s sad that he’s a cop. :(

Hot cocoa… the drink Jackie drank in her death dream…………

I objectively know that Shauna changed her name to Sadecki, but it doesn’t feel real to me. She’s Shauna Shipman forever.

Jeff should have changed his name. <3

“You’re being awfully judgy about Mom considering this all started thanks to your lame attempt at blackmail.” FVFXCVGC. She’s such a mommy’s girl. <33

“The American family is crumbling, Callie.” WKWMSNSNWKWJSN.

Oh, God. I’m fucking terrified about Callie wandering around on the compound. If anything happens to her, I’ll be ill.

Jeff trying to take the fall for Shauna. “I did it to protect her.” God, I fucking love him.

WHAT THE FUCK KEVYN

GODDAMMIT

WALTER

I’M UPSET. THIS IS THE WRONG FUCKING COP

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MATT

Walter: “Hiya, me again.” Jeff-Walter meet cute over a dead body. <3

“Jeffrey! Does anyone call you that?” / “Yeah, my mom. No, she… she doesn’t.” HAJDNSSJ.

I am really upset about Kevyn, though. Alex Wyndham did such a good job of imbuing him with a lot of emotional complexity for a fairly slight role.

Ben being unable to start a fire recalls Jackie in the last season finale!!

THE HEART?!?!!))2)$3&2&28182&3;$3

GIVING TRAVIS THE HEA R T

OH GOD HE HAS TO CONSUME HIS BROTHER’S FUCKING HEART??????????

THE LITTLE WOLF STATUE. GDI

FUCKING RAW

SICK SICK SICK

APPARENTLY, SIBLINGHOOD IS EATING YOUR KID BROTHER’S HEART RAW. I—

How does this boy go back to his mother and look her in the eye, knowing that he ate his brother? Goddamn

This needle drop as adult Lottie prepares for the hunt is stellar.

🎶 “God is afoot. God never died.”

NOT TAI AND VAN CANCELLING THE CRISIS TEAM. GIRLIES, ALL OF YOU ARE IN A CRISIS.

I’m utterly terrified.

The women standing around a fire preparing for another hunt… God, last night, they were dancing around a fire, reveling at the snow. And there’s so much tension now about who is playing pretend and who is actually gearing up for a slaughter.

LOTTIE BRINGING A REAL ASS KNIFE.

CALLIE’S GOT THE GUN.

Fucking Matt the fucking cop.

The women’s haunted reactions to the queen card. They all remember what actions—what horrors—they committed by its name.

“I’d like to shuffle those some more.” The tremor in Shauna’s voice. Even if she thinks it’s fake, the trauma is absolutely real.

Van’s not trying real hard to deescalate this situation, huh?

I’m gonna need parallel GIFs of Van not drawing the queen and Tai’s reaction from both timelines. 😭 So, so good. The difference between them. Relief vs. Realization

“Is this what you wanted to happen?” Tai gets it, horrified. Van has always been a true believer.

“Because you know what happens if you do.” OH, GOD, IF THE GIRLS DIDN’T DRAW, WERE THEY AUTOMATICALLY CHOSEN?!?)$2!:$$:$2&3

MY HEART IS IN MY THROAT

OH, GOD. THEY’RE GONNA KEEP GOING AROUND THE CIRCLE UNTIL SOMEONE IS CHOSEN. SICK SICK SICK

THE FLASHES TO THEIR TEEN SELVES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NOT MY SHAUNA. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

AND SHE WAS THE LAST SHUFFLER TOO. OH GODD

THE MASKS. OH GOD. AND IS DARK TAI HERE.

YEAH, THAT’S GOTTA BE HER

JESUS

THE WOMEN HAVE ALL REVERTED TO THEIR PRIMAL SELVESS AAAAAA

“YOU CAN SUBMIT OR YOU CAN RUN.”

OH GOD. WAS THERE SOMEONE WHO JUST FUCKING SUBMITTED?????

“So you’ve all actually lost your minds.” THEY HAVE. JESUS.

“You know there’s no ‘it,’ right? It was just us!” / “Is there a difference?” WEEPING. VOMITING. GNASHING MY TEETH. NO, THERE’S NO DIFFERENCE.

“Oh, fuck off.” BABY GIRL, I LOVE YOU.

GOD, how is Shauna the most sane of them all right now?!

Lol, the close-up of the Adam case is so… clunky AKDKWJDNS. Lmfao.

And God, I really hate that the Adam/Jessica murders are going to be pinned on Kevyn. He was a decent dude. He was a good dad. He was soft on the Yellowjackets. He deeply cared for Nat. And now he’s collateral damage in the trauma spiral the survivors are on.

CALLIE SAVING SHAUNA. HELL FUCKING YEAH.

“Callie!” The ungodly terror and disbelief in Shauna’s voice.

“She’s so powerful.” The awe and reverence in Lottie’s voice. Callie’s got the wilderness in her too.

And we’re also indirectly reminded of teen Lottie’s obsession with the wilderness baby here.

Shauna pleading with Callie to put the gun down. Oh, God. Oh, GOD. Mere episodes ago, she could barely put the gun down herself.

“But she was going to kill you.” I’m so fucking unwell about traumatized mothers and their traumatized daughters.

Shauna’s feeling of betrayal at Tai especially—both of them have severely fucked up each other’s trust lately, and that scars them deeply.

“It was Van’s idea.” YEAH, TAISSA TURNER, BUT YOU WENT ALONG WITH IT!!!!!!!! ANWKDKWKDJ

“She’s like this because of us.” HHHHHHFHGFDG. THEY MADE THAT TEENAGE GIRL THEIR SAINT.

The girls hugging Lottie. 😭 Mari being so happy that she’s okay.

Van being the storyteller, oh, God. And she’s clearly recounted the plots of old movies to them before. That’s so precious.

Lottie: “I never wanted to be in charge. It chose me, I think… because I was the only one who knew how to listen.” Heartbreaking. I love the emphasis on hearing/listening here. It’s the sensory element that the wilderness seems to be most associated with along with sight (or the lack of it). “We hear the wilderness, and it hears us.”

NATALIE LEADER. NAT ANTLER QUEEN?!

Misty and Van on either side of adult Lottie, bandaging her wound, holding her—her most devoted followers.

“You were always its favorite.” And Nat just coming undone.

AUGHHHHHHH!! LISA?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BACK INSIDE. THE WOMEN ARE BEING INSANE

“We tried to kill you. And it wouldn’t let us.” God, what a line. The fact that Lottie implicates herself in it, even though she literally had nothing to do with the actual hunt. She’s accepting responsibility and blame for it anyway. She’s taken Misty’s words to heart.

LOTTIENAT HAND KISS. GAYS WE’RE WINNING

Akilah’s little curtsey was so cute.

MISTY MAKING NAT LAUGH. OH GOD GAYS WE’RE WINNING.

here’s how mistylottienat can win

VAN NUZZLING HER FACE AGAINST NAT’S HAND. HERE’S HOW MISTYLOTTIENATVANTAISHAUNA CAN—

Oh, God. Travis placing her hand against his heart. I’m so fucking sick.

That tortured Shaunanat head bow!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK yeah

Sophie Thatcher’s smile. My fucking God

MISTY ON GOD

MISTY ON GOD

WHAT THE FUC K

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

FUCK OFF SHOW NO

OH GOD NAT

NOT HER

NOT NATALIE’S DEATH REALM BEING A GODDAMN PLANE

MISTY’S UTTER GODDAMN HORROR

THEY’RE ALL SO DEVASTATED

WHAT THE FUCK SHOW

GODDAMMIT YELLOWJACKETS

JAVI JAVI JAVI

OH GOD, THE BOY SHE CONDEMNED AND HE’S COMFORTING HER

“I’m not supposed to be here.” SOBBING. SHE JUST FOUND HER GODDAMN WILL TO LIVE. SHE WAS GONNA GET SOBER. WHAT THE FUCK

SHE DIDN’T WANT TO DIE

“THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE WE BELONG.” OH GOD. A REVERSAL OF WHAT SHE TOLD BEN EARLIER IN THE EPISODE

“WE’VE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS.”

NAT SOBBING. I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS.

TEEN LOTTIE????????????????????? PLACING A HAND ON HER HEART

“It’s not evil. Just hungry. Like us.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Misty fucking sobbing is ending me. Christina Ricci.

“I’m so sorry. Oh, God.” I’m not well.

NO. NOT THEM CHALKING UP HER DEATH AS A GODDAMN OVERDOSE. THAT IS SO CRUEL.

FUCK.

I’M SO FUCKED UP

GOD LOTTIE IS JUST.

SHE TRIED SO HARD TO SAVE NAT

“Walter, I killed my best friend.” I can’t fucking do this. Oh, God. Misty tried so goddamn hard to keep her alive too.

“It’s going to be okay.” / “Natalie’s dead.” No, it won’t be okay. That was their teammate, their leader, their goddamn friend. They loved her. They hunted her. They loved her. They killed her.

Vantai promising to visit Lottie. That’s kind of the girlflops, but God, Van’s plan to keep Lottie out of an institution failed anyway. And now Nat is dead.

“We have it what it wanted. It is pleased with us.” And she looks at Van: “You’ll see.” Jesus fucking Christ.

THE CLOSE UP ON CALLIE. THE LITTLE GRIN FLIRTING AT HER MOUTH THAT SHAUNA FUCKING SEES. AND IT’S DEVASTATING TO HER. She now knows that her daughter has it in her too.

Shauna rage-jealousy journaling AMSMSNMSD. She’s so petty. <3

BEN SET THE GODDAMN FUCKING CABIN ON FIRE?!!???$))))2&2@1@&2&2!3!3$3

SO UPSETTING

GOD, JUST. He condemned them because he thinks that they’re monsters, but what the hell has he become himself?

THIS SHOW